Change

I love coffee cake… but it’s also the most painful sweet to eat. Not that I have a mouth full of cavities, no, not that kind of painful. I’m talking about emotionally painful. When I was a freshman in high school my Mamaw passed away unexpectedly. I was devastated. We were very close with our […]

Insufficient

I sat down today to write a letter. I knew it wouldn’t be easy… but I also didn’t expect how difficult it would actually be. Our donor family has been heavy on my heart since the moment we received our phone call. I suspect they always will be. I stared at the blank page… the […]

Colors

I’ve never cared for the warm colors. I much prefer cooler colors like blues, purples, teals, and greens. My wardrobe is lacking in colors like red and yellow, and I was never drawn to anything of the like. I never expected to appreciate and enjoy anything red or yellow or orange…. But a trip to […]

The Letter

A letter to my son: There are two phone calls I’ve been anticipating. One I have been dreading for exactly 117 days. The other I have been anxiously awaiting for 106 days. Last Thursday, February 22, I received one of those calls. It was the call I dreaded most. They told me you were coding. […]

Do Not

It was a trap…. As I stared down the dark tunnel that led to what I feared I couldn’t believe I let myself fall for this trick again. I held my breath involuntarily as my feet dragged across the floor step by step even though I willed my body to turn and run the other […]

The Gift

There’s something about a sister. I have known for a long time just how lucky am I to have my sister. I rely on her for so much, and I always know she will be there for me no matter what is happening. She loves my children like her own. She’s always there with a […]

Wait

Tick, tick, tick…..tick…….tick…………tick….. The sound of a clock is something you never notice until you’ve reached a pivotal moment in life. When that moment is a life or death situation that tick become the most painful noise in the world. It wears on you, down to your bones, down to your soul. It scratches like […]

A Cup of Tea

“There may be pain in the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Time is the ultimate pain and joy. When we are young time drags on and on. I know this for sure because of how many times my daughter asks what times it is, how many times she tells me she’s bored, and […]

Empty Arms

They took my baby out of my arms. He had been taken away from me several times. For surgeries, for tests, for various other things. I always got him back of course. But this time they literally took my baby out of my arms… and I don’t know if I will ever get him back. […]

Horizons

A year ago today, Nick and I were in Chicago to celebrate his birthday. I had surprised him with tickets to see his favorite hockey team, the Black Hawks, play on their home ice at United Center. Before the game we took a walk down to the water front. I remember looking out over the […]